Today cheating in relationships are more common than ever before. Cheating can seriously break you mentally. Often times you’ll hear more about men cheating than women. That doesn’t mean women don’t cheat on their husband in relationships and marriages, because they do.
What’s Your Why?
When asked why you cheated or why someone else cheated, people will give you hundreds of different reasons why they cheated.
-“I cheated because I was drunk, I wasn’t aware what I was doing.”
-“I cheated because they cheated first.”
-“I cheated because they were abusive and mean to me.”
-“I cheated because I just don’t love them anymore.”
-“I cheated because I thought I’d get away with it.”
-“I cheated because I was lonely.”
-“I cheated because they are no longer pleasing me.”
The list on reasons why people cheat is endless. And people will think that their reason is always better than other people’s reasons. They feel like their reason is superior, so it validates their reason to think it’s okay to cheat.
Ultimately I believe there is a science behind cheating and why people do it. That is what I’m here to do, is debunk why people cheat.
The Very Flaw In Marriages & Relationships
The biggest flaw in relationships is something that is right in front of your face. The dynamic of any relationship is why people cheat. For example, what if your favorite meal was steak and you could have your choice of cut and your choice of how it’s cooked everyday?
The first few weeks of eating your favorite piece of steak everyday is great(honeymoon phase). You love it because it’s new and exciting and it’s new to your taste buds. So everything is all peachy until you grow bored of that steak. You no longer enjoy the steak because you have adjusted your tastebuds for that steak. You become desensitized to steak and this makes you no longer feel happy from eating it.
Similarly relationships work the same way. You lock in on one person for months to years and then you wonder why your relationship is falling apart. It’s not that your relationship is falling away but the fact that it has ran its course.
You have become desensitized to your relationship and bored that now other women or men look more appetizing than your current lover. After eating your favorite steak everyday, soon chicken and seafood will look very appetizing. Simply because it’s new and we as humans like novelty(new things). It’s what keeps us going.
That is why the very foundation is relationships being two people together forever is flawed. Because eventually you will get sick of each other so you either cheat or leave them.
Why People Stay Together Even When There Is No More Interest In One Another?
People stay together after the relationship has ran its course because of the habit being together and the fear of change. If you break up then you will have to do all the work of opening up to someone and their family all over again. And also because staying together is comfortable, and breaking up is uncomfortable.
You get stuck on autopilot and you stay in a broken relationship because of the comfortability of being with someone you know and the uncomfortable feeling of restarting it all over again with someone else.
Why People Cheat In Relationships?
To explain why people cheat in relationships of any duration and seriousness, we must talk about something called the Coolidge Effect.
Spreading our genes and keeping the population going is our number one priority as humans. So to settle down with only one person is against human biology. Where the term Coolidge Effect comes from is the farm story of President Coolidge and Mrs. Coolidge.
The President and Mrs. Coolidge were being shown individually around an experimental government farm. When Mrs. Coolidge came to the chicken yard she noticed that a rooster was mating very frequently. She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, “Dozens of times each day.” Mrs. Coolidge said, “Tell that to my husband when he comes by.” Upon being told, the President asked, “Same hen every time?” The reply was, “Oh, no, Mr. President, a different hen every time.” President: “Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge.”
The reason why these roosters were mating so frequently with no stopping is because they mated with a new hen each time. Animals love novelty, we love getting new things even if that’s a lover.
A deeper definition of the Coolidge effect is the progressive decline in a male’s desire to mate with the same female combined with a heightened sexual interest in new females. People cheat because as they build a tolerance to the lover they are with, they build a progressive interest in new prospect lovers. This means the potential of being with someone new is exciting and gives us motivation to cheat. The thrill of having someone new fuels our desire to cheat.
“You can’t have your cake and eat it too.”
Our very nature is of variety, we love having new things. Hence that’s why when people get too comfortable with where they are, with who they’re with, and with what they have, they get bored and seek out new things.
So ultimately we cheat not because we are bad people but because it’s our very nature. Our nature is not cheating itself but the desire for variety. Marriage and being tied down to one person goes against our biology and instinct. Not saying you shouldn’t get married and settle down but just think about these things and become aware of this when you do settle down in marriage.
Thanks for reading:)
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