Love is one of the most beautiful things on earth but also it is one of the most destructive things if become blind to it. Love tends to blind the person or people in love. If you are in love before you realize your full potential then love may hinder your potential or at least the realization of that potential.
Love should never be to the focus of your life, only a compliment to it.
How common is it that people get married before they realize any of their potential? Very common, because society tends to pressure the individual, especially with everyone posting their marriage online. You tend to get pressured to settle down. “Susan is married, why ain’t I married? I want to be married too.” So this person finds the next best thing and ties a knot with them. They do this without even realizing their potential. Potential unexpressed leads to pain. Getting married may seem like the best thing at 24 years old but then when you’re retired and you have so much regret because you wanted to be a singer or a go to the NFL but you didn’t care about that career because you had love. The person who gets married early in life seems to have their life all figured out but this is only what you see but under the surface they have nothing figured out. Love will tend to make you settle for mediocrity.
We work so hard to get a high paying job, status, and the right physique, all to impress our potential lover or “soulmate” and then when you finally get them, all the grind stops. That’s why people gain weight in a relationship, because they have no need to improve themselves or stay fit. This is because love tends to blind those to see past the negatives that you don’t see your lover gaining weight or you guys are both gaining weight together. It makes you settle for mediocrity.
I know a few people who became highly successful after a divorce. One of my buddies’s dad started a very successful company after his divorce. I bet if he didn’t get a divorce, he wouldn’t of started that company because would of been content with his life instead of having the motivation to strive for more. His dad is a multi-millionaire now.
Then you have people who who hit the gym and become body builders after they get out of relationship. Just like the meme below.
This is often true, you see the man or woman start to improve theirselves and their lives after they get out of long relationship.
Society is too eager to slap on the handcuffs to marriage rather than to develop themselves to be someone people naturally want to be with. People tend to get married so early in life that they haven’t even developed themselves in any aspect of their lives. They just think that they have a job, so that is good enough for them to settle down in a long relationship.
Why People Settle Down Early?
People settle down for marriage too early in life because of two things: The first thing is the term soulmate. I am sucker for love and romance but I believe the term soulmate is made a norm by women and society, so men can settle down early. The motive is to put the best produce of good genes. The second thing is why women want to get married early in life and that is this: Because unconsciously women know they peak at age 24 and then decline from there. This is not a philosophy, this is science, women tend to peak around ages 22-25 then slowly decline. If women wait until a man wealthy in his career and ready to settle down then her choices will be less due to her decline of sexual value to society. She will have to pick a man with less of good genes for an offspring. As for men, they don’t peak until age 35. Men aren’t aware of this either.
So it’s a battle because women can’t wait and the longer they wait, the less fertile they become to procreate. Men should wait until at least 30 years old to settle down and commit but they don’t because society is pressuring them to settle down early. If they don’t settle down early then they are looked at as a loser. Women peak sexually at 24 and Men peak at 35. Knowing where you peak, at a sexual level will pay off in the long run.
The longer you remain uncommitted, the more opportunities will be available for you. When someone becomes so easily available their value decreases. As if you were less available, your value increases. You become a commodity to the marketplace. Just like the Popeyes’s Chicken Sandwich or the McRib. This Popeye’s chicken sandwich is so valuable because of the lack of availability. It may even be served as a placebo effect, the sandwich being so good because it was hard to come by rather than real quality taste.
“Scarcity Increases Value.”
Men And Women are dreamkillers in a sense but it’s more of the person themselves that is killing their dreams because of their attitude towards the opposite sex, making the opposite sex the main focus.
A person in their mid-20s pursuing a career to be a doctor, attorney, engineer, or anything that requires a lot of time and effort to become is only going to be hindered by a relationship due to the upkeep and work it requires to stay in a relationship.
When you become committed to a relationship too early in life, you tend to have less opportunities, so they settle for the little opportunities they have in front of them. A single 35 year old man with little success is the envy of a 35 year old married man. This is because the married man lacks too things that the single man has. That is time and freedom. Nowadays, women tend to play the more masculine role in the relationship. “Happy wife happy life.” They have all the power and men have zero freedom. Once your lover knows that they are the only source of your intimacy, you lose all your power.
Power is not status, riches, success, or influence over others. Power is the degree over which you control your own life.
Society settles into a long term relationship too early because of the fear of growing old and lonely. This fear causes people to end up in a passionless long term relationship, where these couples don’t sleep in the same bed or sit on the same couch anymore. This should be fear itself. I believe it’s worse to end up in a passionless, loveless marriage rather then be old and alone.
I used to fear ending up alone but now I fear ending up in a passionless relationship. Right now, I am withholding myself from committing to anyone because I want to develop myself mentally, physically, spiritually, achieve a great career, and high status before I commit to someone because by then my life will be order and I have more better judgment for character and developed strong confidence to choose the person who is right for me instead of a person who is not for me because of the fear of ending up alone.
“Build It And They Will Come.”
You got to have the build it and they will come mentality. Build the financial success, confidence, character and they will come. The person that is meant and congruent for you will come. Don’t search for love, search for life and your calling and true love will find it’s way into your life.
Personal Story Time About One Of My Buddies:
Before we all split to go to go away to college, he was dating this girl that I believe he met online. He decided he was fully committed to go to school less than an hour away from his house and she wanted to go to school over 3 hours away. He decided to change his career and commitment to going to school near his home and go to down to school 3 hours away with the girl he was dating. He met her down at her dorm room like the 3rd day at University and she dumped him on the spot. Now he was stuck down there 3 hours away all because he decided to chase love. How many times you seen the husband or wife sacrifice so much for the other lover and then they leave them? It is not rare that the person who leaves their dream behind to move with their lover ends up getting dumped.
All Men and Women success is limited by their attitude towards the opposite sex. They make love the focus and then their success is hindered.
Now I’m not saying don’t have fun and experience love because you go to go out there and get your heart broken but don’t make love the main focus or your dreams will be hindered.
There is a flip side to this: Love or the opposite sex can motivate you to achieve your dreams. Some people in love make each other better, and push for more, which is rare for couples who haven’t fully developed themselves yet. Love can motivate you because you are achieving success and your dreams to impress a potential dream lover. At the end of the day, why do all adults under 30 go to the gym? It’s because they want to look better to impress a potential lover. That’s the real motive why people go to the gym besides for being healthy. Love is the real motive behind achieving success and status. It’s a double edged sword because it can motivate you to achieve a great life and high status but it can also hinder it on the breath.
Love should only to a compliment to your life, never the focus.
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