Understanding this will alter how you view, and interact with people. By nature we are all narcissistic and as the days go on we become more self absorbed, not allowing us to see anything in any other perspective besides for our own.
Healthy Or Unhealthy?
We are all narcissist, so it’s not a question of whether you are a narcissist or not, it’s a question of whether you are a healthy or unhealthy narcissist. In this article we are going to debunk how and why we are all narcissist. Everything we do is simply only for our own gain, otherwise we would not have the motivation to do what we do. We all have the “what’s in it for me” mentality. We won’t do anything unless it has the potential to affect us in a positive way.
You do things for others because it makes YOU feel good. If doing things for others made you feel bad or didn’t effect you in a good way then you wouldn’t do it, no matter how positively it affects the other person.
Take inventory on yourself, throughout the day anytime you do something, ask yourself: Is this for me or someone else?
You will find that the answer will always be yourself. Even if the intentions are to help someone else, it’s motivated deep down by your own personal gain.
A common example is holding the door open for someone when walking into a building. You do it because it will make you feel slightly good. If you didn’t hold the door open and let the door close on them, you will feel bad. Hence where the motivation to hold the door for someone lies. It lies truly from yourself. So it’s not a matter of right or wrong, manners or no manners, it’s a matter of how it’s going to make you feel. This makes holding the door open for someone never truly about them, but really about you.
Narcissism Is In All Areas Of Our Life
Your Love Life: You pick and stay with the person you are with for several reasons. And all of the reasons stems back to you. First we pick the lover we want because of social status. If you are with an attractive person, your social status will rise. People think that if you’re with an attractive person that makes you special and attractive also, hence raising your status. But if you pick a not so attractive person then unconsciously your social status goes down. Because they see your lover as an extension of you, so you must be not so special or attractive either(society’s shallow mindset). I’m not saying you need to be with someone attractive because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I’m just saying this is what happens unconsciously on a social level.
-Then this narcissism bleeds into the relationship itself. You stay with the person you are with only if they are giving everything you want and need. If you don’t satisfy your lover, they begin to go back on the hunt for someone new who will give them all they want and need. Making the relationship really about you.
Your Friendships: You pick the friends you are with because they help your survival and raise your status. Just like back to historic times when to be friends with the tribe leader meant that you were going to live longer due to food resources and protection. In our DNA, we are unconsciously trying to associate with only the people who will promote longevity.
It’s not that we are shallow for not being good friends with a fast food cashier, it’s that fact that being friends with someone higher on the totem pole will help us live longer. But since survival is no longer a worry in the 21st century, this trait has been turned into being fueled by the ego. Being friends with someone high on the totem pole only inflates our ego, and makes us look more attractive.
Your Career: At our job, we try to always be on time, not because we care about our coworkers or boss, we do it because we are afraid of the potential loss. The loss of a job, or the loss of respect our boss will have towards us.
Imagine being known for having so many titles, being a person with many hats. Let’s say your friend Tom is a lawyer, and he has been one for almost 20 years. And one day, on your way to work, you stop by McDonald’s to get a breakfast sandwich, and to your surprise, you see your lawyer friend Tom making the breakfast sandwich in the back. The paradigm in your head has been shifted. Tom has lost his lawyer license, and he needed a quick job to help pay the bills. Your ego has just been slashed because your ego get juiced up from simply knowing people with big job titles and responsibilities. Now you try to befriend someone else with high prestige or help Tom get his license back.
What if your friend published a known best selling book or release a platinum record. You probably won’t be happy for them. You are just happy to be their friend because it inflates your ego. You want to be around them because you feel superior to everyone else who doesn’t know them like you.
We Are All Narcissist & It’s Not A Bad Thing
Our very instinct since birth is survival, but since survival is no longer an issue, it has turned into survival of the ego and status. Look at social media or in other words digital narcissism. We only post things about ourselves. Even when it’s someone’s birthday, you share a picture of you and that person with the birthday on your page. You don’t just share a picture of them wishing them a happy birthday, you post one with you in it. This first shows off you, further boosting your ego, and second shows off your friendship with that person because that will raise your status.
You wouldn’t post a picture of you and the person who committed mass killings would you? It would lower your position on the totem pole of society. Also you wouldn’t post your failures alone unless it’s backed up by a Cinderella success story.
Why You Are Reading This Article:
You probably aren’t reading this article because you like me but because you are looking to stack knowledge into your arsenal. Also it’s simply because you want to learn some new things. And I’m posting this article because it makes me feel good when I publish these blogs. So both the writer and reader are only motivated by themselves.
Take away titles, status, feelings, emotions, and survival and you take away every single one of our narcissist tendencies. Titles affect you, feelings affect you, emotions affect you, and survival affects you. Sure other people have a lot to do with these things but the true motive is how these things affect you. Today it became much harder to meet the need for meaningful connection with people. The question has moved from what is best for other people and the family to what is best for me.
For the next couple days, starting now, keep track of everything you do. And after you do each thing, answer this question: Am I doing this for me or do this truly for someone else?
Are you giving to the homeless because you truly care about them or because it makes you feel good? Do you buy gifts for your friend’s birthday party because you really want your friend to have this or because you don’t want to be the only one without a gift at the party? Do you tell people you love them because you truly do or because you want an “I love you” back? Do you follow this website in hope I follow your website or because you want to learn something? Do you help others because you really want to help or because you like feeling superior?
Thank you for reading 🙂
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