“Everyday I thank my lucky stars that I experienced anxiety attacks. I owe anxiety attacks everything.”
(This is going to be a very personal article)
If you have never felt what an anxiety attack or panic attacks feels like then your first experience is going to feel like you’re dying.
My first ever anxiety attack happened in 2018 in the middle of the night. I woke up out of a slumber feeling abnormally hot then I started to feel tingly and that lead to my heart beating so fast to put where I thought my heart was going to explode.
In those moments it felt like my life was flashing before my eyes. My mind started to replay all the good and sad moments and all the things I’ve never accomplished and experienced but wanted to. In the mist of the attack I felt disappointed in my life, not feeling like I have done anything with my life.
My Forbidden Funeral
“From this moment forward, my life will change forever.“
In the middle of my first blown anxiety attack the thought of my funeral came to mind and I thought about how my funeral would look and what everyone was saying about me. The thing that I heard people saying about me was that I was a good, nice kid, and that was all. Nothing spectacular was said about me because there was nothing spectacular to say. At the end of the anxiety attack, I was traumatized by the experienced.
From that moment forward, my life changed forever. I woke up the next day in fear of everything. I never wanted to experience that again but in the back of my mind I knew this was only just the beginning. And my intuition was right, this was only just the beginning of this dark road.
The Road To Heaven Begins In Hell
Before my first panic attack, I never experienced anxiety or at least experienced it to a point where it effected me. I learned about anxiety in my psychology classes in college but it had a stigma that anyone who had anxiety was weak minded. That stigma couldn’t be further from the truth.
Anyone who suffers with severe anxiety and manages to go about their life is strong minded. All the physical pain I’ve experienced my life has no match to having severe anxiety. Anxiety trumps physical pain.
Those following weeks after my first panic attack were a dark cloud. I had such bad brain fog that it felt like I just took a rip from a bong of Mary Jane. My brain fog was so bad that I couldn’t even drive my car because I was scared I would crash.
The Dark Cloud Of Anxiety
My life totally did a 360 flip. It was like I had to experience everything all over again but now with severe anxiety. I experienced anxiety attacks in my car while driving, while on a date at the movies, while at an amusement park, while at a cell phone store, while at a funeral, while in class, while eating and many more places. After 3 months from my first anxiety attack, I now experienced panic attacks everywhere I go.
That causes me to have an Agoraphobia, which ultimately means that I’m scared to go outside. That caused me to hibernate in my house indulging in video games, movies and my smart phone, all to keep my mind off of anxiety.
Anxious About Being Anxious
These daily panic attacks went on for several months, until I decided I needed to fix this. To fully get rid of anxiety, I had to make drastic changes to my life. I knew if I was going to get better, I need to do this without any pills. So I changed my diet to a healthy one only eating clean foods. I cut out caffeine, alcohol, and drugs. Anything that temporarily altered my state of mind, I cut out.
After changing my diet, I practiced meditation every morning for 30 minutes. This helped me sit with my anxiety and face it head on. Meditation helped get rid of my anxiety and panic attacks by 40%. Then I reduced my screen time on my phone and TV and went outside in nature more often and exercised daily. After fixing my body, I began fixing my mind by reading and learning about life and anxiety. Also I practiced letting go of all anxious thoughts and I changed my breathing from chest breathing to stomach breathing, this helped a lot. I also become celibate to help clear my mind and focus.
How Anxiety Attacks Actually Saved My Life
To summarize, I basically just unlearned and reprogrammed myself to go back to a healthy lifestyle. This changed my life completely. I was a loser who had no ambition, skipped class, watched porn everyday, and partied every weekend. Now I’m a very calm individual who takes care of my body and mind by feeding it only good things that will help it grow and become better. My goal now is to wake up the world with wisdom and help people become the best version of themselves.
My focus is no longer on my own life and pleasure but only on making other people better.
If I didn’t suffer from anxiety attacks then I wouldn’t of published a book, launch this website, have a growing instagram page with insightful posts or get hired by nationally successful real estate company. If it wasn’t for anxiety I would still be sitting on my couch masturbating myself dry, eating junk food, treating people like cheap and being a loser with nothing to show for my life. Anxiety attacks were the wake up call I needed. It was a message telling me that I need to change something and that change needed was my entire life.
Before my first anxiety attack, my parents and family would talk bad about me, saying how I probably won’t be anything in life. Now they are proud of me and they can only say good things about me. Even my Italian grandpa tells my dad how smart of child I am with a good head on my shoulders. But before anxiety, he basically called me a loser because I was. I’m not here to brag or be cocky, but to just tell you that anxiety is just a message telling your mind and body that you need to change something. And if you don’t, the panic attacks will continue. Believe me, the attacks did continue, until I took control of my life and changed it for the better.
All anxiety has a message, you just need to be aware enough to recognize what it is telling you.
thank you for reading 🙂
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